Zelda Mae

Being a third generation Pentecostal PK has given me many things, not the least of which is a seemingly bottomless pit of stories. Fortunately or unfortunately, all of them are true. Herewith is one that happened to my Dad.

Dad, as a Pentecostal preacher, pastored his own church but was also called upon periodically to travel to other churches as a guest speaker. As kids, we would go with him if doing so did not conflict with school. If there was a conflict with school we would stay home with Mom or sometimes to go Granny's house if Mom was to acommpany him. One such trip that Dad made was to Muncie, Indiana to be a guest speaker at a revival meeting at a friend's church. This trip, Dad travelled alone. When Dad returned from these trips we usually received some type of little gift from him. Upon returning from this trip, however, Dad had more than just little gifts - he had a rather amusing? story to tell.

These Pentecostal revival services generally were three services in one: The Song Service with Corporate Prayer, Announcements and Offering; The Preaching Service and, The Altar Service. The potential for entertainment in any one of the three was high. One was usually not disappointed.

During the first day of the revival meeting, Dad got a lot more than he was anticipating from it. On the front row of the church, directly in front of the pulpit was seated Sister Zelda Mae. Zelda Mae was in her early 20's and was not exactly a Rhodes Scholar or a member of the Harvard faculty. However, she was somewhat passionate about her religion and at times was given to some highly emotional and physical manefestations of it, as "the spirit moved." In addition to this, she was quite a buxom young lady.

Anyway, during the time of Corporate Prayer, Dad was seated on the platform with his head bowed respectfully. He soon became aware of some type of disturbance on the front row, hearing some vibrating and shaking. He looked up and saw Zelda Mae, seated with her hands in the air, shaking and vibrating. (The church had wooden pews and a hardwood floor) The pew was also vibrating and shaking and looked as though it would come loose from its moorings on the hardwood floor. If that wasn't enough, standing directly behind Zelda Mae was her sister. Sister had her hands stretched out over Zelda Mae's head and was dancing a little jig, in place. She was also rather loudly exhorting Zelda Mae to "Obey the Lord Zelda Mae, Obey the Lord!" Dad, normally in control of situations, nearly lost it and for the life of him could not figure out what the "Lord" was commanding Zelda Mae to do that resulted in such shaking and vibrating.

The time of corporate prayer was over, Dad regained his composure and stood up to preach. Zelda Mae was still seated on the front row directly in front of the pulpit. Zelda Mae was also a young mother, having recently given birth to a set of twins. The babies were there with her on the front row. About midway through Dad's sermon it was dinnertime for the twins. Zelda Mae was nursing. Most young mothers when nursing a child, will go to a discreet, private location to do it. Not Zelda Mae. She, in front of God and everyone, rolled up her sweater, undid her undergarment, flopped 'em both out and fed the twins.

At this point, Dad lost it totally. Unable to continue the sermon he made a long slide into the Altar Service, calling for sinners to come forward and repent.

There are times when I almost miss the Pentecostal church.